I wrote an essay for IELTS practice test and its result was 6.5. I have heard that Chat GPT gives feedback to writing composition too and I tried it.
I wrote “How can I improve my essay below?” and paste the essay.
First essay was about music and art;
I think music and other arts are important ways to express oneself like a language can do in every society.
In terms of social identity, I would like to mention three aspects of their importance; cultural identity, education and socialization.
First of all, since each society develops their own music and arts, there must be some difference between other cultures. Like my home country, Japan, has its own unique music and art. I remember when I visited the MOA museum in New York and it had a section showing only Japanese culture. I was so surprised how distinctive Japanese culture is because the culture is traditional to my home and I thought it was similar everywhere. The difference can lead to cultural identity. When I play Japanese traditional instruments, for example, it should be very unique to people from other cultures and make Japanese people nostalgic.
Music and other arts are strongly associated with education in a society. In Japan, many traditional songs are sung at school. This is how Japanese people share the same songs with each other even though their generation is different. When I provided a classical guitar workshop at a community centre, I used some Japanese traditional songs to play together. It is a party because everyone knows the songs and the melody lines are not so difficult. In that sense, education helps those arts to be shared all over the society.
The last one is socialization. In the first point, I argued that music and other arts can make cultural identity and that identity can be provided by education as the second point. Those shared music or arts can bring socialization. Even if people do not talk a lot, they can understand each other guessing that they share something. I believe that music and other arts play the role.
Here is what Chat GPT suggests;
Your essay on the importance of music and other arts in society is well-written and conveys your ideas clearly. Here are a few suggestions to make it even better:
- Provide examples from other cultures: While you have provided examples from Japan, it would be helpful to include examples from other cultures to highlight the universality of music and other arts. For instance, you could talk about the significance of the drum circle in African societies or the importance of traditional dance in South America.
- Discuss the therapeutic value of music and other arts: Music and other arts can have therapeutic benefits for individuals, particularly those struggling with mental health issues. You could mention how music therapy has been used to help people with anxiety, depression, and other mental health concerns.
- Elaborate on the socialization aspect: While you have mentioned how shared music or arts can bring about socialization, you could provide more detail on how this works. For instance, you could talk about how music and other arts can bring people from diverse backgrounds together and create a sense of community.
- Use more descriptive language: To make your essay more engaging, you could use more descriptive language to paint a picture of the importance of music and other arts in society. For example, instead of saying “It is a party,” you could say “The workshop becomes a joyous celebration as everyone joins in to play the familiar melodies of Japanese traditional songs.”
Overall, your essay effectively conveys the significance of music and other arts in society. By incorporating some of the suggestions above, you can make your essay even more compelling and informative.
I read an article that says students who used Chat GPT’s feedback gets higher achievements on writing in a lecture in an American university. I will read the feedback and write one again.
